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Man Claims He Didn't Steal ATM, Says He "Found It Already Attached to His Truck"

Carlos WentworthJuly 1, 2026
Man Claims He Didn't Steal ATM, Says He "Found It Already Attached to His Truck" - Vice City news article illustration

Man Claims He Didn't Steal ATM, Says He "Found It Already Attached to His Truck"

A 32-year-old Leonida man identified only as Terrence was apprehended Monday morning driving northbound on the Causeway with a Bank of Leonida ATM machine secured to his pickup truck's tow hitch with a bungee cord and a prayer. Terrence told officers at the scene that the ATM "was just sitting there" and that he "assumed it fell off something." Security footage from the Bank of Leonida's Vice Point branch showed Terrence attaching the bungee cord. The machine, which had dispensed $0 during the encounter, was still making beeping sounds. Terrence was released on a $2,000 bond, which was the exact amount the ATM contained.

Ripped from the headlines: Bank security and theft prevention

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This story is satire. Any resemblance to actual persons, flamingos, or central bankers is entirely coincidental and entirely the point.

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